Azab Dabaq

If your life is held together with spit and a half a piece of gum, then prepare for that sucker to crumble like feta. Life for me is like a roadster – room for 2 only. Metaphorically speaking of course, I have plenty of room in my life for others but I am quite persnickety about who enters my realm. You’ve got a better chance of getting into Buckingham Palace than you have in getting in my life. I’m funny, oh it’s true, just ask Tracy of Jennifer. I’m funny but I’m a friend for life (if your Chi is right. No Chi, No E!) I think my alter ego is Yosemite Sam. He has the best temperament when he gets upset. I wish I could be so brave, but we have these rules and people tend to frown upon such behavior (eyes rolling). Or better still, Rat from Pearls before Swine. Love that guy. There was this one strip where he would do a long ski jump look (you know the one where you just stare straight ahead, stiff bodied) every time somebody said something stupid or what he thought was stupid. Man, I would be in a constant state of ski jump look. Or even Danae from Non-Sequitur, THAT little girl just rules, kid after my own heart. So I guess that leads to the question, who am I? Answer, whoever I’m required to be at the time required. People ask me, what’s your real name, what does EJ stand for – why? Are you going to do Ancestery.com to see if we’re related or are you just asking because you’re nosey? We ARE NOT friends, call me by what I introduced myself to you as, not what you heard someone else call me. Who do you think you are? I don’t say a lot, but my face, it betrays me often. I try to talk to it, but it just blows me off. Sorry, my ADD kicked in and I got off track, forgive me. Roadster, yes. Seems now, I don’t even need that extra seat because I’ve been forsaken. Taylor Swift-ed. Left out in BFE with no H2O. It’s all good, things happen. I don’t eat feta but when you’re starving, left-out, leftover fish is quite appetizing. Beware loose lips lacing promises of … Guess I’ll get me a dog. At least then I’ll be the one to do the forsaking. Who am I? I… am alone but in the words of Mary J., I’ll be JUST FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE HOOOOO.

1,2,3 – Tap Out

I lost my Wilson (think Castaway). No, I take that back, lost implies that you don’t know where something is. I know where Wilson is, Wilson just doesn’t want to be here with me. It’s a funny thing when your life needs mending. Love is unraveling, family is fraying at the seams, it can get pretty raggedy and there’s never a needle and thread handy when you need one. I believe in pray. I pray, not just during the bad times, when things are in a crap-hole dug in the ground, nor do I forget to pray when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. I pray. All prayer is, is a heartfelt request of hope. Hope that things will get better, directions will be given, right decisions will be made, etc. Remember when Jessie Jackson said “keep hope alive” well, it remains true today. Hope is ever present; it’s the amount of hope that you have that will determine your level of mending. No hope, then you can pretty much toss whatever is unraveling or fraying into the pile marked Goodwill. Life for me Ain’t been no Crystal Stair, but it hasn’t been a candidate for demolition either. I was never promised an ache free, tearless life and let me tell you, life has kept its promise. Images I had in my head about how things would be and how they ultimately turned out, were often times not even in the same galaxy. If life were a friend, we definitely wouldn’t be on speaking terms right now. She’s left me disappointed, hurt, angry, depressed and lacking. I don’t blame her really, she never promised me anything. It was I who had all these expectations and plans so I have no one to blame but myself. She promised me nothing and gave me change everywhere I turned. Change is the requirement to accept something that we weren’t expecting to happen in the first place, be it good or bad. Change isn’t necessarily bad but when the change that happens isn’t bringing any smiles to your face, then in our book, it’s bad. Life for me is changing now, through no fault of my own and to my human credit, I fought against it hard. I tried to deny it at every turn; throwing my best high blocks and punches but alas, I was no match for Change. On Saturday, I surrendered and acknowledged my defeat and skulked away, licking my wounds. I fought a good fight, but I did not win the race. I was no match for the Change that started some 3 years ago. I tried to be accepting, accommodating, and every other action that yields to Change but alas, she proved too much for me. I’ve all but given up Hope that Wilson will return, but I try to keep Hope alive. After this, Change and I won’t be on speaking terms for a little while at least. It’s inevitable that we’ll reunite, but until then, I will climb these stairs; full of nails, splinters, loose footings and handrails. I will climb these stairs, in darkness and in light, alone and unafraid because fear provides no service or assistance here. I will climb and keep climbing; Hoping that with every step Change is there, waiting to make it better. This is my prayer.

“Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me” (The Fray)

Lend me, Gimme, CanIgetauhh?

I was in church yesterday and a song prompted me to write this moment.

I’m through fooling around with you.  I don’t have time for you. Have you ever said those words to someone who you may have been trying to help and all you were getting in return was more of the same BULL? Dale Carnegie says to expect ingratitude and while that is true, how long must you put up with ingratitude? After a while, the light bulb will go off and it will go something like this, “you know what, I’m sick of you” or something to that effect. That is our Popeye moment – we’ve had all we can stand, can’t stand no more! And so we are done.  If someone asks you about SuchandSuch, you’d probably say, I don’t fool with them like that anymore, why, because they got greedy.  I’m greedy. Not in the traditional sense, but I’m greedy for knowledge and wisdom from God. Yeah, I want things as well and He encourages us to ask, but what if God said, I’m through fooling around with you? We’d be in a world of hurt.  But would you be upset?  Think about it, if God said WHEN, would you be ok with it?  I had to stop and think hard about that thing. When you take inventory of your life and all the stuff in it, where you’ve been and how far you’ve come, has He done enough for you?  The song went, If the Lord never does anything else for me, He’s done enough. That is a powerful statement. We’ve all been in situations where someone has been such a huge help that we say can’t thank them enough and send them home with a “you’ve done enough” hug of appreciation.

God has done more than enough and He keeps on doing. Us humans aren’t like that. If someone stops doing for us, we may get upset and think they are not as nice or caring  as they used to be, all because they stopped doing. Our measure of love is associated with how much a person does for us. The more you do, the greater your love for me.  Well, how befitting that this is the season where you were given the best gift long before you knew you were loved.  December should be like that old Heinz commercial – Anticipation, is making me wait.  Waiting with childlike excitement and anticipation to receive our gift.  Maybe we need to have a national Don’t Ask Day, a day where we go 1 day without asking anything of God and instead, give to him. Give thanks, our time, ourselves to Him because after all, hasn’t He done enough?

Always find time… To Relax.  Get Comfortable. Get Mended.