Going with the ebb’n flow

“It’s been a long time I shouldn’t have left you Without a strong rhyme to step to
Think of how many weak shows you slept through
Time’s up I’m sorry I kept you
Thinkin’ of this you keep repeatin’ you miss
The rhymes from the microphone soloist
And you sit by the radio hand on the dial soon
As you hear it pump up the volume
Dance wit the speaker ’till you hear it blow
Then plug in the headphone ’cause here it go
It’s a 4 letter word when it’s heard, it control
Your body to dance, you got it SOUL!” Eric B & Rakim

Yes, I know it’s been a while but sometimes you have to go from being the Mendee to the Mender and so I was off being the Mender to the Masses. I am a writer. In every sense of the word, I am a scribe. I have as many notebooks, journals, pens, and cute bags to carry them in as I do heartbeats. Yes, that is a slight exaggeration but you get my drift. I literally and physically write. Don’t get me wrong, I love my computer, Snooks and I get along great but I have a true, old fashioned love affair with pen and paper. While I was off Tending to the Mending, I was writing but life is so busy and hectic that you don’t always get the chance to sit down and share. Some days I write more than I speak and I would love to share all my notebooks with you but unfortunately there isn’t enough time in the day. I’m up tonight because I had to work late and so my internal clock is busted beyond repair and I know I’ll pay for this late night snack but I don’t have any missed meal cramps, so I’m pressing forward. It has been a long time and I do feel guilty for not having shared with you all the great lemonade I’ve been making so allow me to quench your thirst. I want to tell you about my relationship with God. Hold on, this is not one of those Bishop, Good Rev. Doctor type things. I’m not religious, whatever that means to you. I’m spiritual, Religion to me is Baptist, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish (take note people, Judaism is a religion, people who practice it are Jews, I have yet to see Jewish listed on any form or application where demographics is collected. People who practice Baptist-ism are… well let’s move on shall we.) My relationship status with God is… It’s complicated. Not on His part but on mine. See, I talk to God just like I’d talk to my earthly dad. I tell him jokes… when people say they FOUND You, where were you? At home, at Paul’s house or at the gym and did you have permission to be there? When I call and the line is busy I get upset and when I finally get Him, I ask Him what took You so long to answer, didn’t you see it was ME calling? I apologize when I’ve sinned. I yelled at someone today and I mean I gave them the business. I did apologize to the person, for yelling at them, what I said, needed to be said just not in the say I said it. I apologized to God because one should never let anger use them like that. I made no excuses, although I did do the plausible rational thing but in the end, I owned up to my behavior and asked for forgiveness. I was watching TV, something I don’t do very much of and the conversation was about finding a job. One character said finding a job is hard. He said finding a job is hard. He had to ask Jesus to lead him to the job of his dreams and when He (Jesus) did, he knew He (Jesus) was the guy that he wanted to keep going to to ask for things. Pause for audience laughter. Sooo, Jesus is the guy who can get things. Nice to know. Next character says he once asked Jesus for tickets to the Espys but he didn’t come through so he just watched it on his Plasma tv. Pause for audience laughter. Now let’s think about that for a minute. Jesus IS the guy you go to to ask for things, am I right? And when He “doesn’t come through” – read give us what we want – we feel some type of way about it but heaven forbid if you say out loud that you are mad, angry or upset with God. All I’m saying is that my behavior today wasn’t as it should be, people got on my nerves and there was no thought of loving thy neighbor, more like come mere and let me superglue and cement spackle your mouth shut to keep the ridiculousness from flying out. Hey, I’m honest and I think He appreciates my honesty. Almost every minute of the day, and I am NOT exaggerating, I pray and ask Him to help me when I’m in the presence of certain people. You know the kind who will make you forget yourself and before you know it someone in your family is getting a collect call from the city jail. My tolerance for ignorance that refuses to be enlightened, backstabbing, throwing under the bus, crab-barreling and any other in-humane action towards another is low to non-existent, and so I must confess my sins, ask for forgiveness and the strength to move beyond that shortcoming. I remember when I found God. I was madder than Ms. Sophia on the Color Purple. I asked him – where’ve you been? He said nothing, looked me up and down, did a Clint Eastwood character spit (He gave up the chew) and said How YOU doing? I laughed and said Touché Daddy. People need to lighten up about God. Some people talk about Him so much I think even He gets tired. Notice I said talk about Him not to Him, big difference. I talk to Him all day. People ask, who are you talking to, I say Jesus, you want me to tell Him you said hi? Even writing this, I asked Him if He had insomnia and He said, I guess so because you’re up talking to me. I felt bad to I told Him to go to bed and then He told me to go to bed, no you, no You, no You, no You. I think we all know who blinked first on that one. Goodnight Moon.

“I start to think and then I sink Into the paper like I was ink When I’m writing, I’m trapped in between the lines I escape when I finish the rhyme, I got SOUL” Eric B & Rakim

Three Kings and Princess Lolita

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Now it’s time to say goodbye, to all our family. This was my first year celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas and I must say what a treat and honor it has been. I keep the Christmas spirit for the entire season. I did not get caught up in the retail hype and spend money I didn’t intend to spend but rather the gifts I purchased were thoughtful and often necessary. My birthday had more meaning this year because I never realized that the 12 Days of Christmas were real and that I was born during the 12 Days of Christmas. Tomorrow marks the Epiphany – where the visitation of the Magi (Three Kings Day) marks Christ’s divinity revealed to the Gentiles. I have given and received gifts, not only on Christmas Day but on days throughout the 12 Days of Christmas because the gift I received just keeps on giving. A high school friend of mine, Lolita is born on the 12 Day Christmas. How appropriate that her birth/revelation culminates on the day the world received the revelation of Christ. I know the majority of my words have something to do with God but make no mistake, I’m no religious nut, just a spiritual fruit – there is a difference. I recognize the wonder and beauty in everything around me and while creation is a wonderful thing, it doesn’t quite answer the question of where did I come from and how do those things happen. Driving down the street and looking up to see all the building and everyone maintaining solid footing on the Earth. How is that possible? Yeah, yeah, we all studied Sir Isaacs’ theory but HOW is it possible? Believers, non-believers and anyone else who falls in between, we are all dependent on whatever you believe or don’t believe because no matter how hard you try, you can’t pinpoint the exact reason for your existence or continued existence. Evolution is apart of life, it’s the creation part that has no answers. To be created, something has to already be there and where did that something come from. I no longer question, just accept each day that I’m privileged to be here. I’m grateful for the sun’s apparent rising in the East (you do know the Sun doesn’t actually rise or set don’t you) because it marks the dawning of a new day, whether it was created or evolved doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here to enjoy it, so just say Thanks and keep it moving.

Happy Birthday Lo!!

Wish I’d taken better care of my teeth

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Tomorrow.
I love words, literature, all that is creative and inspiring and soul-stirring. I remember having to memorize lines from Macbeth and the lines spouted after his wife’s death. Try as we might to live in the moment, we can’t help but look toward the future. As we come to the end of the year, so often we look back with regret on things we didn’t accomplish or resolutions long forgotten. Ohhh, the new year, full of… whatever you put into it. I no longer wait until the end of the year to accomplish or resolve things because tomorrow ain’t promised. Take this blog, I could have waited until the end of the year to start writing again, but who would that have benefited, certainly not you and I hate to disappoint my fans :). Taking stock and reflecting on the past should be a learning experience, not opportunity to linger with the SWCs. Learn what did work, what didn’t work, why you didn’t, why you did; Learn, not Linger. Lingering leads to depression, anger, resentment and a host of other self-inflicted dis-eases of the mind that do nothing but isolate us from ourselves. The end of the year should bring forgiveness; of yourself, of others, of circumstances, of what did happen, what didn’t happen. 11:59pm on Dec. 31. nothing can be done about the last 364 days. The beginning of the year should bring forgiveness AND focus. Forgiveness: Don’t over-think it, dissect it, discuss it, Just DO IT. Focus: on what lies ahead, what you can control, on yourself, your family, whatever you desire and when you do all this, make sure Forward precedes your focus.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
” Forgiveness fuels your candle to shine brighter. Focus extends your hour, thus signifying something and leaving regret in the dust. Poof.

Hair dye, laser hair removal.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me… a pair of binoculars. Our present day situations, especially when they aren’t going the way we’d like them to, can be quite disturbing. Take my present day situation. As clichest as this sounds, sometimes I feel like I’m always running behind because there’s so much on my TO DO list that just looking at it overwhelms me and like a little kid trying to hurry up and get his food down so he can go outside and play, I’m cramming things in. My Ninth day is late, not because I didn’t do it, but because I didn’t have enough time, or rather I didn’t allow enough time to post it. This is no huge mark on the TO DO list of life but for a perfectionist like me, it’s a HUGE deal. I don’t mind so much the slow process (microwaving is not really my thing) but it as to be RIGHT. You can imagine the havoc this wreaks on my ADD, something not yet accomplished (can you hear my heart racing?), the bigger picture not really coming into focus for me and yes, a mini-nervous breakdown may just follow. As a perfectionist, it’s hard to grasp that what lies before you is just temporary and something bigger is just around the corner, but you just have to wait and work with what you have now. (Heavy sigh) This is one character quirk that I could do without but then I guess I wouldn’t really be me. Like blurry vision after eye dilation, lingering gas from anesthesia or bad breath after eating Spicy Doritos; uncomfortable situations and circumstances are only temporary. Now, if we could only say the same for hair color.

I will not go gently into the night

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…Candle-like qualities. Keeping with the greatest theme, how many times do you, have you put others before yourself? Most parents, especially mothers put their children and family before themselves. I commend them on their sacrifice but nobody comes before me but Jesus. I’m scary, so I need a scout ahead to let me know when to go and when to stay. You know, I need someone stronger than me to be I front of me because let’s face it, without Him, I’d literally be lost. I’m a realist, I know I’m replaceable at work and I’m 100% ok with that so work, depending on how I’m feeling, may not be inky top 5. I am a human candle, burning bright, becoming less and less, quietly and without fanfare. I do this because there can only be one, so though I go, I will not go gently. I will go down in a blaze of glory. Shining bright, flickering in the wind until my flame is extinguished. I do not fear the dark, for I have seen the light of The Bright and Morning Star.