Admit it, we’ve all at one point and time in our adult language lives, misused a word in a sentence. No? Well, I have and I can admit it, hey, even the sun shines on a dog’s ass every once in a while. Well, I was the victim of a driveby language lashing. I arrived home from school to find my mother standing in the door, red-faced and ready to blast me with both barrels. Seems Mrs. Zawiggins had phoned ahead to notify my mother that I’d missed roll-call. My mother, being the good, upstanding PTA parent that she is, was, in her words, embarrassed. I felt like I was traversing one of those Spartan Races: crawling under barbed wire , scaling rope walls, as I walked past her barrage of ‘what were you think, don’t you know and I can’t believe’. I said nothing. I kept walking until I got the obligatory “don’t you hear me talking to you?”, to which I whispered, “yes, and I’m sorry.” I stood there, shaking and shivering and owned my mishap. Head bowed, eyes, somewhat closed, I told the truth and SHE STILL kept going. I said nothing. I stood there, in the ring of fire and secretly wondered, what all the commotion was about. Surely that little deed didn’t cause that much damage, did it?
After standing there, getting smoked for what seemed like forever, the wildfire died down and the smoke started to dissipate. My mother seemed exhausted; mentally and physically. I, on the other hand, felt refreshed. I realized then and there that it is always better to lie because, in the words of Jack Nicholas’ character – “you can’t handle the truth.” When you give people the truth, they have no comeback, no additional weapons. The truth unarms them and they are left weak and defenseless. I’d never felt more powerful. When I was dismissed, I went to my room, sat on bed and relished in the fact that I had won a moral victory. I felt a twinge of, I don’t know, pity maybe, that my mother could/would allow such a trivial thing to send her into the level of embarrassment that she expressed. I meant her no harm, honest I didn’t, but I’m glad it happened. It taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that perception is everything and reality means nothing. It taught me that the truth is a powerful weapon. Use it wisely and often and then stand in silence as it cuts their tongues, leaving them speechless.
My mother is akin to the Mexican axolotl, I ‘clare her tongue was in perfect working order the next day.
What ails ya?