What size is this thing?

Growth, while necessary, can be painful.  My last baby brother grew too quickly and as a result, he suffers chronic knee pain.  It was a natural process but somewhere along the line his body wasn’t quite ready for the physical change facilitated by nature.

My body is done growing, at least upwards anyways.  No, the growth I’m referring to is mental and spiritual and at times, it seems a tad bit tight.  See, if you’ve been following along you know that you don’t really know me.  Don’t feel bad, no one does and the reason that is, is because I’m a private person.  I’m painfully private.  Took me years to be obedient to share my gift and even this is anxiety filled.  I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my -ish.  That being said, you can’t hide your light forever because eventually the flames get too big and too hot.

The flames are proving too much for me and my bush is about singed to the core so up I stand, again, to share the shine of my light, as we all should.  The use of one’s gift involves sharing and that is not something I was familiar with as a child.  Having to learn that process as an adult proved a little difficult.  No, you may not have any of mine, I will get you your own – was my philosophy.  We all know that is not how it’s supposed to be, but hey, I’m a WIP.

Today, I grew, twice.  I reached out and so far, what I thought, desired and imagined would happen, happened.  Now, that’s not to say that things can’t go far to the left but what I’m learning is that it’s not really me that’s growing but my faith.  It feels weird because you hear people talk about it but you can’t recall it ever happening to you.  Oh, it’s happened before but in our preoccupation with (insert whatever) we may have missed it.  I know I have, did and do.  But not this time.  I know we get hesitant when things start to flow so easily.  It’s like running or riding down hill.  You want to take advantage of the momentum but you don’t want to crash and burn either.  Thus my current dilemma.  The Word says, every good and perfect gift comes from the L-rd.  The Word says, pray without ceasing. What The Word doesn’t tell you is when it will come or what it will look like.  Man, I wish my grandparents were alive, they’d know exactly what it looks like but it is not their faith that needs the growth.  No, babygirl has to do this walk on her own, no earthly assistance and that sucks but I got this.

I’m an ambivert with more introvert tendencies but 10 out of 10 people think I’m an extrovert and that is because I’m good at what I do, whatever I’m doing at that time.  I’m a Jack(queline) of all trades and a master of nothing because there is only one Master.  I’m grateful for this growth, as uncomfortable as it is and will be, I’m sure things will level out.  I read that before walking the red carpet, some female celebrities of the curvier nation will put on several layers of Spanx to achieve that glass smooth finish.  Right now, I feel like I’m wearing a waist trainer, the entire collection of Spanx, Assets, corsets and ace bandages ever made.  But like the diamond and the pearl, it takes a lot of grit to get that glory.  I’ll take small breaths.

I read somewhere or heard it somewhere that, and I’m paraphrasing here – the more afraid you are to do something, the more you need to do it.  Now that is all relative but I think in my case it’s true.  Too bad I can’t use Biofreeze or Arnica gel for this pain.  Where is that McDonald’s straw?

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