Looking for that good stuff…

da nuh nuh nuh nuh nuhhhh nuh – why don’t you tighten up on that backstroke.

Well today my backstroke was just a lil too tight.  So, in the ongoing quest to become a better Triathlete, I find myself, yet again, taking swim lessons, albeit private lessons this time.  First 50-11 times I was in a group and we all KNOW, I don’t play well with others.  I was going to do the virtual coaching thing but umm, I’m a flake and my ADD wouldn’t tolerate the absence so, here we are.

My instructor told me I didn’t give myself enough credit.  She thinks I’m better than what I am, which is evident because since my first day, chick has not dressed down to her swimsuit.  Now I know, most of the time we never give ourselves enough credit but I know I’ve been “cheating” by using my fins but hey, I go finless on Friday’s so that counts for something right?  Anyway, back to today.  I’m backstroking along, doing my drills and then she says, “Ok, now I want you to backstroke all the way.”  Umm, you mean, I can’t stop at the black line?  Go PAST the flags? Waymint – you sure I’m ready?  Apparently because off I went.

Streamline position – check; Short flutter kick – check; head back, eyes up – check

I’m moving along pretty well until I hit the lane line.  It was as if a car veered off the road and tumbled down the ravine.  I panicked. I didn’t splash but my legs were doing the Squidward and my head a Whack-a-Mole impersonation.  Just HOW exactly do you startle yourself in the pool?  Don’t know.  I grabbed the lane line and looked around for my instructor.  Nice to know she was still fully dressed and dry.  I get my breath and FS back to higher ground.  She tells me I was 2-4 strokes from finishing.  Mmm hmm, 2-4 strokes from giving myself an Infarction.  All this because I was concentrating soo hard I forgot I was in 15 feet of water.  Did I mention I’m only 5’5″ and shrinking.  I was concentrating way too hard on WHAT I was doing and forgot WHERE I was…in 15 feet of water.  Remind me why I said I’m doing this again?  Good thing is, I did keep my legs together – as all good girls should!

I’m a perfectionist and yes, I’ll keep working at it until I’m as good as Missy Franklin. Ok, let’s not get carried away, she did 100m backstroke in 58.33 (seconds).  She must have hit the Staples button before she hit the pool deck.  #thatwaseasy


Sucking Wind

Had a conversation this evening with an acquaintance and she told me that she likes talking with me because she can talk about her favorite subject and always learns something.  I told her that was great but it was that same reason that, IMHO, she did not have any friends or as many friends or whatever she’s going for.  She can, and does, only talk about G-d.

Now, I love my Father and Jesus and my Rheeman but even those in the clergy can carry on conversations that are of a wordly nature.  Take the price of gas for instance.  I mentioned this to her and she told me that gas wouldn’t get her salvation.  While that may be true, it may not be true.  How do you really know what it takes for salvation?  Last time I checked, nobody walking the earth was there so we’re all just WAGing.  And if you want to get technical, G-d created gas, so in talking about gas, you’re still talking about G-d.  Now what.

1 Corinthians 9:22 says, and I’m paraphrasing here… I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.   Now if I weren’t a believer, listening to her would NOT make me one.  She likes to quote scripture and verse and I’m happy for her but um, I like well rounded conversation because I believe Jesus talked about more than himself and the Father.  He was just as much human as he was divine and the human side likes to talk about nothing sometimes.  She told me that there is nothing else she’d rather talk about and I told her great.  But there are other things I like to talk about and IMHO G-d is ok with it.

I stopped talking to her last year for this very reason, something she asked me about today.  “Why did you stop talking to me?” she asked, genuinely curious, so I told her.  I was making an effort this time because, you know, I’m funny but she kept poking the bear.  She told me next time I should say I want to talk about (insert subject).  Umm, are you serious?  What is this, a curriculum, elementary school?  This is supposed to be a conversation and if it evolves into a discussion about G-d, great, but angles I don’t like.  Angles are for measurements and geometry classes and picture taking, not personal conversations.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.  The good thing about that is, you can get a drink yourself:  common ground to save yourself (part of the some).   So here we are again but hopefully this time she won’t feel the need to ask why.  Now where did I put those scissors?


Reinhold Niebuhr

This came about during a day of shopping with a friend.  We were in the store and she saw a plaque and I was covered in the Spirit of Irritation and as a result, this came about or rather out. I said I was going to paint it and hang it somewhere in my house.  I don’t always use nor am I a fan of colorful language but the world is full of color, so there you have it.  And before those who would say I’m doing (insert whatever judgment about/against G-d) speak, ask yourself this… Has anyone EVER said something to you that you considered stupid?

G-d grant me the serenity to not punch you in the face for saying stupid shit when you clearly deserve a punch in the face for saying stupid shit.  The courage to walk away to keep from punching you in the face when you say stupid shit and the wisdom to know when I need to exercise my courage to maintain my serenity when you say stupid shit to me.

What ails ya?